Every stage of life can offer joy, pain and stress. I believe that through the process of therapy you can prepare for a marriage that will last, have an intimate marriage that can be a loving witness to your life and give you the personal help you need to grow and heal through changes.
Your relationship with your spouse can have an impact on your mental health and level of satisfaction in life. Giving time to evaluate your contribution to your marriage in therapy can give you insight towards creating meaningful change. Counseling also allows you to work through impasses in your marriage and to proactively learn how to have a strong and intimate union. Conflict has an opportunity to breed intimacy. Time to work through pain in counseling could catapult your marriage to a new level of an emotional investment. Self-understanding can be cultivated in a therapeutic setting while receiving validation and a sense of safety to create new ways of relating to each other. Your marriage may just be needing guidance during a new life transition that can cause any union stress or it may need a chance for each spouse to fight for the marriage before pre-maturely giving up.
Couples Therapy approach:
Coming to therapy for your marriage could help you rewrite your story together if each person is willing to evaluate their part in the relationship and understand how each person in the marriage has an opportunity to redefine how they desire to receive love, respect, trust and an intimate commitment to each other. In my work with couples I use principles from Emotion-Focused Therapy that allows each spouse to understand each other’s emotional responses and to create new relational cycles that invite a deeper emotional attachment. This approach helps couples learn how to work through hurt and how to validate the feelings of the other. Sue Johnson is the founder of this therapeutic orientation and it has over 20 years of empirical research indicating a high success rate with couples. Emotion-Focused therapy can look at the underlying sources for the spouse who may be the withdrawer or the desperate pursuer who may feel unheard. I look forward to helping you see your partner as your person to find comfort in, where you feel known and to shift the focus back on your relationship being a loving united front.
Beyond preparing for your wedding day it is imperative to take special time out to prepare for the daily process of relating to each other as husband and wife. Pre-marital therapy is designed for two central purposes. The first hope is to allow each future spouse to consider their personal backgrounds, expectations of one another, their perception of marriage, their views on finances, their relationship history, how they have managed conflict, evaluating communication styles, their ideas on having children and how they view roles of a husband and wife. These are subjects that are often clouded by the excitement of love and of planning for the wedding day. The first two years of marriage don’t have to be as difficult if you build a foundation before you build a home together. Each spouse will benefit from knowing one another on a deeper level and have an opportunity to assess how compatible their views are before allowing assumptions to disappoint the couple after they have already walked down the aisle.
The second purpose of pre-marital therapy is for each individual to have greater insight into any red flags in the relationship. These could be minor red flags that can be addressed and overcome in counseling. Other early warning signs or concerns could lead to a couple finding that their relationship is not ready for marriage or could allow for one or both parties to reconsider the commitment in order for both individuals to avoid a life-long commitment that could be a mistake. Despite the differing outcomes, my goal is to promote healthy and life-giving relationships.
When going through different stages in life there can be setbacks, mental blocks, disappointments, unexpected changes and grief. Having a safe place to be vulnerable and to acknowledge these struggles is important to reaching optimal mental health. My goal is to increase your self-awareness into how you are handling or processing aspects of your life in order to help you let go of thoughts or barriers that are holding you back. I am also here to support individuals while they move out of their comfort zone and into new ways of handling stress, relationships and their life goals. Symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and difficulties adjusting to life changes can be traced back to your perceptions of experiences that are recent or far into your past. I desire to help you have corrective experiences and thoughts that will free you from old patterns and allow you to have a healthier view of yourself, others and your day to day life.
Individual Therapy approach:
In my work with individuals I use a strength based approach that also connects with increasing awareness into learning strategies using Cognitive-behavior therapy and Solution-focused therapy to heighten your ability to handle stress, to move forward in areas of your life where you may feel stuck or to improve your self-esteem. These approaches can also be helpful with individuals who are struggling with grief, anxiety, depression or relationship issues. In therapy you can give yourself permission to find new ways to cope with your emotions, distressing life events and your relationships in order to experience joy or contentment despite the past or present circumstances that you are facing.
When appropriate, art activities may be incorporated if you find yourself desiring to learn other ways to express yourself that can also reap meaningful therapeutic benefits. Art activities in therapy can many times express what words cannot and these approaches do not depend on any artistic ability. Furthermore, these tools can serve to help you work through pain, stress or blocked areas in your life by allowing you to find other ways to expand the dialogue in therapy using art.
I am a licensed Marriage and Family therapist and a licensed Professional Clinical counselor who has over 13 years of experience in the field. I have a passion for preparing couples for marriage and for helping struggling marriages find their way back to each other. Although I specialize in working with couples, I also have experience working with individuals who need support with working through difficult life transitions and those striving to identify their personal potential for growth. Furthermore, I have a long history of working with clients who struggle with depression and anxiety that are in need of learning new ways of coping with life demands, overwhelming thoughts, as well as helping them improve their ability to function in their career, relationships and creating a life balance. My hope is to give you a place to evaluate your thoughts, experience a nurturing environment while processing what kind of changes you seek to make and for you to receive new insights into your life.
– Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, Biola University, 2003
– Master of Science in Counseling, California Baptist University, 2006
Licenses:
– Marriage and Family Therapist: #MFC48651
– Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor: #LPCC1394
Memberships:
– California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT)
– International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)
Experience:
– Private practice setting at California Baptist University Counseling Center working with individuals, college students and couples.
– Marital coaching at The Rock church and couples retreat.
– Clinical experience for over 8 years in a hospital setting working with a variety of mental health disorders and improving interpersonal relationships.
Trainings:
– Completed EFT Externship through Alliant University
– Couples therapy trainings: Anatomy of Intimacy through UCI
– Prepare-Enrich Facilitator (Inventory for pre-marital, couples)
Trainings in using art activities in therapy:
– The Secrets to Using Art as a Healing process in Therapy Course director: Lisa Mitchell, MFT, ATR
– Artfix: Helping clients partner with their creativity in therapy Course director: Lisa Mitchell, MFT, ATR
– Art Therapy for Grief and Loss Course director: Pamela M. Hayes, MFT, LMHC, ATR-BC
– Art Therapy and Anxiety: Healing through Imagery Course director: Pamela M. Hayes, MFT, LMHC, ATR-BC
Who goes to therapy sessions?
A wide range of people seek counseling for a variety of issues. Some of the reasons include a desire for personal growth, managing stress, codependency, tackling substance abuse issues, improving marriages and communication skills, navigating temporary bouts or long periods of depression or anxiety more effectively and bringing more clarity to one’s past and how it impacts their present life and future.
Just as you would seek out a personal trainer if you wanted to see better workout results, many people choose a therapist to see better results in areas relating to marriages, emotions, career and their overall well-being.
How often should I attend therapy sessions?
I have many clients who attend weekly, some bi-weekly and occasionally some coming sporadically on an “as needed basis”. Together, we determine the most advantageous approach that will work for your specific therapeutic needs.
How long should I go to counseling?
The answer depends upon the nature and depth of the issues being explored, the goals of my clients, the strengths and limitations of my clients and how much work my clients do outside of each session.
There is often a difference in duration between couples counseling, individual counseling and pre-marital counseling. The course of counseling is usually shorter for couples as compared to individuals. This is because the goals of couples are usually very specific, whereas the goals of many individuals are often broader.
As you know, building healthy connections are a vital part of creating your community. I have included some general resource sites that are educational and will grow over time. If you have a resource suggestion, please don’t hesitate to contact me with your idea.
Important Phone Numbers
San Diego Crisis Hotline – (800) 479-3339
San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline –
(888) DVLINKS
San Diego Child Protective Services – (800) 344-6000
Emotional Well-being & Mental Health
Psychology Today – Good stop for general questions, assessments, resources, etc for mental health.
Natural Health Web – Guide to natural health and alternative medicine.
MentalHealth.com – A comprehensive online mental health resource.
NAMI – Another general site which provides a wealth of information for emotional problems ranging from common to severe, acute or chronic.
Substance Abuse
Alcoholics Anonymous – Listing & information for San Diego’s twelve step meetings.
Narcotics Anonymous – Listing & information for San Diego’s twelve step meetings.
Harm Reduction – An informative site on harm reduction theory.
Community & Volunteer Connections
Meetup.com – Find Groups on virtually any interest in any city. Great resource to connect with others.
Volunteer San Diego – Nice comprehensive site to search for varied volunteer opportunities in San Diego.
Humane Society – Volunteer opportunities for animal lovers.
Animal Welfare Opportunities – A very comprehensive list of the many animal welfare organizations in San Diego that rely on volunteer help.
Domestic Violence & Abuse
Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-888-DVLINKS
NCADV – National Coalition Against Domestic Violence – great DV site.
